[TW: RAPE] What is your opinion on rape fantasy? I’m getting a TON of shit for being against kink-shaming and rape-play-shaming right now, and I was just curious on your opinion of it.
There’s nothing wrong with it, because the key word here is “play”. That means the entire scenario is consensual, the opposite of rape. Those who engage in rape play will also (SHOULD) have a safe word or motion that will let the other person know when to stop. It doesn’t promote rape culture (how can it when it’s the opposite? It involves communication and ensuring that the involved parties want this, will enjoy this and there is even a back up plan if anything goes wrong)
Fantasies are fucking hot. They’re sexy. You are in control, no matter if you’re submissive or dominating. A fantasy means no matter what you’re running the show. A rape does not. A rape is not sexy, it’s disgusting and violating. If there was something actually wrong with rape-play, people wouldn’t actively engage in it because no on would want to feel like that. The two are completely different.
If it’s consensual, and all parties involved are being safe, then who the fuck cares. Kink and rape plays aren’t for everyone. But if you don’t want to partake in it, then fucking don’t. That doesn’t mean they get to decide it’s “wrong” or “weird” how someone consensually decides with their partner(s) to get off.
Rebloggable by request <3
Trigger warning for partner consent issues, rape
At first, I didn’t know what she meant. She spoke so softly I had to lean across the table to hear her. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” she said, “but sometimes I really don’t want to have sex. Sometimes I do, but not as often as you want it. And sometimes I want to tell you ‘no,’ but I can’t bring myself to do it. So I try and send you signals, hoping you can just tell how I’m feeling. But that doesn’t work, so it’s… it’s just easier to say ‘yes’ or just say nothing at all.”
My face flushed. I felt nauseated. I thought instantly of the previous night, where we’d grabbed what I thought was a hot half-hour when my roommates were both gone. Katie had seemed so passionate when we’d been making out, but then gotten very quiet once all our clothes were off. I’d told myself she wanted to have one ear cocked for the sound of a key in the door. I hadn’t considered—or hadn’t wanted to consider—the more obvious possibility: she was trying to tell me that she didn’t want to have sex.
I looked out the window. I couldn’t meet Katie’s eyes. My gaze fixed in the distance, my voice trembling, I asked what seemed the only possible question: “Are you trying to tell me I raped you?”
I was in my first women’s studies course, and just the previous week we’d been reading about sexual violence and the law. In class, where I was one of only three men, I’d felt rage thinking about all of those cruel assholes who didn’t understand that “no means no.” But now a dark and unseen possibility was opening up: not every “no” could be spoken. Maybe, I realized, sometimes even a quiet “OK” could be a “no” in disguise.
Katie started to cry. “Oh God, Hugo. No. Not rape. It’s just… I wish you could tell the difference between when I really want you and when I’d just rather be held.” She began to cry harder. “Fuck. It’s all my fault,” she wept. “I can’t expect you to be a mindreader. I’m so sorry.”
So much of the activism against sexual violence posits rapists as a subspecies of human, deliberately malicious, a separate breed that - if eradicated - will solve all our problems. Yet how often do we look into ourselves to see if we are part of the problem?
Perhaps when we consider the idea that we could be abusers too - want it or not - we can start coming up with more solutions that don’t assume Good/Bad splits, that don’t force assumptions of “They can’t have done that, they’re a GOOD PERSON!”, that doesn’t also end up finding fault with the victim because they weren’t perfectly innocent.
I wish I had the courage to have this conversation.
I can’t even with this bullshittery. putting the screengrab under the break.
This screen grab came from a post about Nigerian Rape Footage that has sparked Nationwide outrages.
Also, be warned of the islam-bigotry perpetrated by the same person in the comment below.
People make me sick.
***TRIGGER WARNING RAPE CULTURE***
I’m not condoning rape, obviously. You should never rape anyone…unless you have a reason like, you want to fuck someone and they won’t let you. In which case, what other option do you have?
Louis CK said this. This is his joke, you guys. Think about that shit. It’s not edgy comedy, this type of bullshit is one of the reasons why my rapist doesn’t care that he raped me and still laughs about it.
Louis CK perpetuates rape culture.
And this is why I didn’t understand why he was being celebrated on my dash only a couple days ago, besides the fact that he’s also used racist, sexist and a variety of other slurs. Fuck Louis CK.